Unlimited Badass Works
by StoryMakerr014
Summary: Counter Guardian EMIYA had been many things. A Master, a magus, and most of all, a Hero of Justice. His choices in life had set him on his path, a path which ultimately led him to a life full of bloodshed. Betrayed by his own ideals, he came to regret everything in his life. However, while he hated the things he had done, there's one thing he won't ever regret... being a badass.


**12/6/15 REVISED: Added an incantation for 'Unlimited Badass Works'.**

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EMIYA was once many things.

He had been a Master and the winner of the Fifth Holy Grail War, fighting side-by-side with the King of Knights herself. He had been a freelance Magus, accepting jobs just like his adopted father and hunting down Dead Apostles and other nasties around the world. Most of all, he had been a 'Hero of Justice', helping those who were weak and saving the innocents from evil. He traveled far and wide, defending the poor and frail with his skills and wits alone and making a name for himself even though he didn't want the recognition - he really just wanted to be a hero, after all.

A _badass_ hero.

And yes, he actually got his wish. He became powerful, with tanned skin and a body that would make any girls and women drool(Luviagelita Edelfelt and Matou Sakura did on more than one occassion). His hair turned whitish silver, like snow covered in mercury, adding points to his already gorgeous looks. His height became impressive as well, and everyone not tall enough had to tilt their head backward a bit just to look at him in the eye.

 _Coincidentally_ , most of the girls he knew or met had to crane their head up whenever they, er, kneel in front of him during certain... activities.

Mooooore than that, his fighting abilities had been exceptional too. He was able to Reinforce his body to take substantial damage that no normal human or Magus could, and his combat prowess were honed to its finest. Wielding swords and spears were as easy as moving his arms and legs, and firing arrows from his bow surpassed even an automatic weapon. Most of all, his Projection magic became powerful enough to let him have his own Reality Marble - Unlimited Blade Works, where every weapon he had seen was recorded and copied for him to use at his liesure.

Unlimited Blade Works; a _badass_ skill/ability/superpower/Reality Marble for a _badass_ hero like him. Fuck yeah!

And then, due to his dying wish to fulfill his duty as a badass hero, he made a contract with the World and became a Counter Guardian - someone who was constantly sent across any era and period to prevent mankind's destruction. Due to this, he was also able to copy all the weapons he saw on his various time traveling missions and record them in his Reality Marble. R _ho Aias_ , _Hrunting_ , _Caladbolg_ , even the legendary spear of the Norse god Odin(no, not the video game or Hollywood version) himself, _Gungnir_.

His badassery level basically went over 9,000 by that point.

Of course, being a total(and _sexy_ ) badass had some side-effects as well. And one of those came in the form of the most dreaded aspects of being a Guardian or Heroic Spirit.

E-Rank Luck.

Yes, _E_ -Rank Luck.

Now, a lot of people would probably ask why such a badass(and again, _sexy_ ) hero like him would get something like that. After all, everything about him practically screams 'EX++-Rank Luck'. From his looks, to his skills, to his weapons, to even his _other_ 'weapon', which a lot of girls(especially Sakura) would ecstatically agree to.

He could tell them it's because misfortune seemed to be attracted to him just like most of the girls in his past life were. He could tell them that Lancer Cu Chulainn had somehow infected him with his own E-Rank Luck when the, _ahem_ , Hound(Hah! What a fitting name) of Ulster stabbed him with Gae Bolg. He could also tell them that Tohsaka Rin cursed him badly when he, er, was not that focused during one of their _really absolutely necessary_ Mana Transfering Ritual.

But the truth? He doesn't know. Maybe it's because of his once foolish dream of becoming a 'Hero of Justice'(really? Hero of Justice? Now that he thought about it, it really sounded absurd. He should have just chosen to be a 'Hero of Cooking' or a 'Hero of Fixing'. Hell, a 'Hero of Eroge' would suit him fine too, what with all the girls chasing him) or the fact that Kotomine Kirei hated him so bad that the fake and crappy -sorry, he meant creepy - priest managed to curse him even when his soul was skinny dipping in Hell. All he knew was that having an E-Rank Luck always lands him in the most unusual circumstances.

Like now for example. He was plummeting down to an eerily familiar manor at Mach 2 after almost burning up like a fucking meteor when he appeared in the freaking atmosphere and scared a flock of birds shitless.

Seriously, he just wanted a badass entrance when he was summoned as a Servant. However, this was definitely not a badass entrance. Just bad.

Really, really bad.

Like in most dangerous situations he had been into, Counter Guardian EMIYA - or Archer as he should be referring to himself now - would analyze his surroundings first and take the right course of action. His thoughts in his current situation would be like, _Mach 2 with no way of stopping my fall. I could use Rho Aias to reduce the damage on my body, but I doubt if the manor is strong enough to withstand that shield. I could also just lessen my speed by spreading my arms. However, even if I am physically strong, falling down and going through that roof will definitely hurt... ugh! Why do I have to be summoned this way?_

Those would _have_ been what Archer would be thinking in the current situation. In reality, his thoughts were, _ohmyfuckinggodI'mgoingtodieagainhelpmeSaber!_

Badass, right?

He went through the roof before he could even say, 'Trace On', passing two floors - as in floors which people steps on - before he had the common sense to twist around and let his muscular back absorb the damage. For a moment, all he could see were dusts and splinters of wood, most probably due to the really expensive furnitures he had unfortunately landed on(whoever summoned him would definitely be pissed when he or she saw this).

Stifling a groan, Archer weakly got up, pushing the broken tables and chairs off of him with a scowl. Being a hero was badass, they said. Being a hero was awesome, they said.

Yeah, right. 'Hero of Justice' my sexy ass!

He knew it. He really knew it. He should have just chosen to be a 'Hero of Eroge'. At least, his body would be feeling tired and stiff, but in a good way(he briefly remembered one of his, ah, training sessions with BOTH Rin and Sakura; now that had been good!). He didn't fucking signed up for this just to land in a not-so-badass way.

Cursing inwardly in Japanese, German, and English both modern and old(courtesy of Saber), Archer glanced around, noting the eerily(again) familiarity of the house. Something stirred in his memory, a thought long forgotten it might have beem nothing at all, though what it was, he couldn't quite place.

Summoned. He was summoned. But by whom?

Rapid footsteps drew his attention, and he briefly considered tracing Kanshou and Bakuya. But then he remembered that he was a Servant, which means whoever was approaching was his Master.

Heh, if it's a girl, he wouldn't mind her being his _master_...

Oh wait, what if Master saw this mess?

He looked around in panic, and realized just how much damage he had caused. The roof was sporting an Archer-size hole, as were all the floors and ceilings he went through. The furnitures he had landed on were smashed and broken, with only the sofa barely escaping injury. The room was also covered in dusts and piles of wood, enough to darken the surroundings somewhat.

To anyone who would see this, it would look like he had just fallen from the sky and destroyed the living room.

Ironically, that's what had just happened.

A bang on the door made him almost jump in fright, but of course, being a _badass_ Counter Guardian, he refrained from doing so. Rather, since he knew that the door would soon open and he couldn't risk standing here like an idiot, he opted for the simplest course of action to take.

He approached the sofa, sat on it, leaned back, crossed his legs, and smiled.

Counter Guardian EMIYA badass mode first form.

Right on time too, because at that exact moment, the burst opened as if a gorilla had just broken through and a girl rushed inside.

Archer's widened briefly before he caught himself and hid his shock and recognition. And then, an idea clicked. First impressions was important, right? Well, fortunately for him, he knew just the thing to make his Master think of him as anything but badass.

He closed one eye and smirked in the most _gorgeous_ way he could.

As his Master whined and complained about her apparent disappointment of the Servant she got, Archer couldn't help but grin inwardly in delight. Yes, he regretted the choices he had made - a lot of them, actually. But in the end, seeing Tohsaka Rin like this again, acting in the most tsunderish way possible despite the fact that she had obviously been affected by his charming smile(no one, and he meant _no one_ , was able to resist it at all; not even Bazett _FREAKING_ Fraga McRemitz), he knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that though he had once been many things, there's one thing he won't regret.

Being a badass.

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 ** _I am the bone of my badassery_**

 ** _Gorgeous is my Body and Awesome is my Blood_**

 ** _I have done over a thousand badass things_**

 ** _Unknown to Failure, nor known to Lameness_**

 ** _Withstood fangirl screams to do many more awesome things_**

 ** _Yet, this body will never stop doing it_**

 ** _So as I pray..._**

 ** _Unlimited Badass Works._**

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 **My first foray into the Fate/Stay Night fandom. Admittedly, I haven't read the VNs yet, but will soon. However, I could proudly say that I had watched Ufotable's UBW, the original FSN by DEEN, and my favourite, Fate/Kaleid. :)**

 **This one-shot is partially inspired by a parody comic where it was shown how Archer was _really_ summoned before Rin found him sitting IN THE MOST BADASS WAY POSSIBLE. Hopefully, you all like how I had portrayed the scene.**

 **Feedback will be appreciated though.**

 **Please Read & Review!**

 **Until Next Time!**


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